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do not touch me without my consent
do not touch me without my consent
do not touch me without my consent
do not touch me without my consent
do not touch me without my consent
do not touch me without my consent
do not touch me without my consent
This even applies to my family.
This applies to everyone other than bugs
This also applies to bugs
THIS ESPECIALLY APPLIES TO BUGS
Clients from Hell.
- Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”
- Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
- Me: “I beg your pardon?”
- Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
- Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
- Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
- Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
- Client: “Open what?”
- Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
- Client: “My…my…?”
- Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
- Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
- Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
- Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
- Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
- Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
- Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
- Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
- Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
- Client: “My what?”
- Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
- Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
- Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
- Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
- Me: “An error message?”
- Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
- Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
- Client: “Yes.”
- Me: “Move it for me.”
- Client: “Move it?”
- Me: “Yes. Move it.”
- Client: “My e-mail!”
- On a school trip
- Friend: *looks out of bus window*
- Friend: the mountains are all misty
- Me:
- Friend:
- Me:
- Friend:
- Me: FAR OVEEERRRRRRRR
- Friend: no
- Me: THE MISTYYY MOUNTAIIINS COLDDDDD
- Friend: don't do this
- Me: TO DUNGEONS DEEEEEEEEP
- Friend: why
- Me: AND CAVERRRNNSSSS OLDDDD
- Friend: please stop
My Resurrection
Throw me to the wolves…and I’ll come back as the leader of the pack
Doubt me…and I’ll proof you wrong
Try to put me on a backseat…and I’ll put it up in the front
Knock me down…and I’ll get back up
Burn me… and I’ll set the world in flames!
Tell me I cannot…and I WILL
This is my resurrection…and I WILL rise!
During the god awful mandatory swim season in high school
- Male gym teacher: for any girls that can't swim this week, we will have make up days next month
- Me: *raises hand*
- Male gym teacher: yes?
- Me: are the make up dates exactly a month from now?
- Male gym teacher: about there, yeah
- Me:
- Me:
- Me: will you have make up dates for the make up dates that aren't exactly a month apart
- Male gym teacher: why would i-
- Male gym teacher: oh
- Male gym teacher:
- Male gym teacher: I might need to rethink those dates
today depression
isn’t screaming at me
she’s holding my hand
and dragging me down
drowning me in thoughts
she’s whispering to me
and she’s holding me
in her dead-tight grip
and she’s promising
that she will never leave
depression is my quiet killer (m.g.t)
I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.
Why I can’t stay
I can’t stay because you called me pretty before you called me intelligent or kind or loveable. Because you only complimented what I was born with and none of the things I achieved.
I can’t stay because you tell me every day how strange I am. You called me antisocial until I started calling it myself. You called me wrong and boring and unfitting in this world.
I can’t stay because you started to call my way of thinking an illness. My overthinking, my thinking beyond the edge, my sadness that nurtured my creativity and that I loved somehow.
I can’t stay because now I feel like going blind slowly. Blindness of seeing the world around me and also emotional blindness towards you and myself.
I can’t stay because I’m not even sure I ever existed. Most of the days now I feel like ghost, unable to communicate with the real world, isolated from everything, maybe dead.
I can’t stay because you start to love me and all I will bring you is pain and disappointment. I can never meet your expectations, I can never love you the way you deserve it.
I can’t stay because you always tell me it will get better and sometimes it does, but everytime it returns, it’s harder to keep on breathing and harder to stop crying. And it will only get worse.
Client: Do you do lemonade?
Me: Do we do… lemonade?
Client: Yes, I was told you do that here.
Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop.
Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot.
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -
Client: Look If you can’t lemonade these papers for me then I’ll go somewhere else!
Me: Do you mean… laminate?
RETAIL
IVE NEVER LAUGHED HARDER IN MY LIFE
Honestly I’m so sick of seeing rich-girl fitness. Don’t show me pretty vegan smoothies in mason jars held by a girl with perfect makeup, a manicure, and a color-coordinated running outfit. Show me diets and workouts that I can manage when I’m working 13 hours days and living on a budget. Show me how to eat healthy when I have 5 minutes for lunch. Show me small things I can do to help my body. Show me workout plans that I can do outside of a gym when I can’t afford a membership. I don’t have time. I don’t have money. Half the time I don’t have the motivation to get up in the morning. But I have a body. I want to be healthy.